The Importance of A Strong Foundation

Last week I shared the analogy of putting together two halves of a manufactured house to create a home. I discussed that significant effort will be needed to mesh these two halves together. However, first and foremost we must be sure to build a strong foundation for which our new house will be given the best chances of stability and success. Without a strong foundation, our house, (or marriage) will crumble, just like the house that was built upon the sand. This week while reading again from "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman, I learned ideas that will contribute to the "strength" of the foundation. Gottman talks about the four pillars of Shared meaning: Rituals of Connection, Support For Each Others Roles, Shared Goals, and Shared Values and Symbols. As couples work together at building shared meaning, it strengthens their relationship as a couple as improves family life altogether.

One experience shared in the book that really stood out to me was of a couple who grew closer together as they showed interest in learning about each other's extended families and the results that came from sharing with each other. Here is the account:

" For the first time, Helen and Kevin spoke earnestly about their own families, their family histories, values, and symbols. When they returned home, Helen took out her families old photo album and showed Kevin pictures of her great-grandparents who had come to America from Ireland. She told him the story she had heard countless times about her great-grandparents' marriage-how they had become engaged before he left for America. He then remained true and devoted to her great-grandmother during the four long years it took to save up enough money to bring her over too. The message of this story, she had come to understand was that loyalty is one of the backbones of marriage and family life. He himself reminisced about some of his own family tales-especially about his grandmother who single-handedly ran a general store in rural  Kansas and almost went broke because she was always giving away free food to poor neighbors during the depression. Kevin told Helen how that perspective had infused his own adulthood- from his insistence that they make large charitable contributions."(p. 262)

After this experience, Helen and Kevin talked often about values such as loyalty and generosity that was instilled in them by hearing family stories as they grew up. They respected each other's heritage and vowed to carry on these traditions in their own family. They felt connected.

I thought about how knowing the history of our family really does connect us. It makes us feel part of something important. Marriage is the beginning of a new family. We must do all in our power to cultivate, nourish and protect this sacred union.  In Doctrine and Covenants 64:13, it states, 'Wherefore be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."  

As we make daily, even hourly efforts to strengthen our marriages and families we will be like the wise man (and woman)who built his house upon the rock (foundation). And when the winds came down and the floods came up, the house upon the rock stood still.