The book of Genesis, we learn about the creation of our first parents. Adam and Eve. In Chapter 2:18 it reads, "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helpmeet for him."

The definition of the word helpmeet is - "a helpful companion or partner, especially one's husband or wife." I think it important to recognize a few things here. A man and a woman are equal partners. In the depictions we see of Adam and Eve, they are always walking side by side, not one in front of the other, but literally and figuratively, side by side, supporting and encouraging one another. God has created it this way for a divine purpose. In, "The Family, A Proclamation to the World," it states: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." 

Though we have different abilities and responsibilities, as husband and wife, we are commanded to support one another in our roles. As we do so we will witness many blessing as stated in this excerpt by Richard G. Miller,

"Parents… should love and respect each other, and treat each other with respectful decorum and kindly regard all the time. The husband should treat his wife with the utmost
courtesy and respect. The husband should never insult her; he should never speak slightly of her, but should always hold her in the highest esteem in the home, in the presence of their children… The wife, also, should treat the husband with the greatest respect and courtesy. Her words to him should not be keen and cutting and sarcastic. She should not pass slurs or insinuations at him… Then it will be easy for the parents to instill into the hearts of their children not only love for their fathers and their mothers, not only respect and courtesy towards their parents but love and courtesy and deference between the children at home ."(Joseph F.
Smith, Gospel Doctrine, pp. 283–284).

As I have tried to do this in my own marriage, it has brought a sweet spirit into our home and family. I am not perfect but as I put forth my best efforts, I recognize the difference it makes. Mutual love and respect for one another teach many lessons that are best learned and practiced in our homes.

                                                                                                                                                            References:

Miller, Richard B., “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.” BYU Conference on Family Life, Brigham Young University, March 28, 2009

Importance of Fidelity in Marriage

Satan is real! He is working hard to break up families by encouraging many so-called innocent relationships between those of the opposite gender. Some may be tempted to "justify" these friendships as they are co-workers, neighbors, ward members, etc. However, we must remember that Satan is also subtle. He has a way of luring people into relationships or situations that can become extremely dangerous. He is always trying to find a way to destroy the family, particularly marriage between husband and wife. We must be ever vigilant in protecting and nourishing our marriages. We can do this by honoring marital vows with complete fidelity as stated in, "The Family, A Proclamation to the World."  We must ever be grateful (and faithful) for our spouse.

In his book, H. Wallace Goodard shares several suggestions that can help us prevent trouble or temptations. My favorite was this one which states:

"Celebrate the sweet gift of companionship. The amazing message from our marriage partner is. "I am trusting you with my life, my body, my hopes, my dreams. Please be kind and gentle." Each of us should rejoice in the sacred gift of spousal trust. If we have squandered any part of it, we should work to re-qualify for it."

Isn't that beautiful? It is a powerful message for each of us to consider. We have chosen to be with our spouse and have trusted our whole souls to them and them to us. We must cherish this union! We won't be perfect at this but as we put forth our best efforts and include the Lord in our relationship, he will help us be successful and withstand the trials we will inevitably face.

 I also loved the quote that Goddard shares in his book from a wise colleague of his, James Marshall. "The grass is greener on the side of the fence you water. If we tend our own little patch, even with all its weeds and rocks, we will find a joy that passes understanding. If we sit on the fence and dream, we will lose our allotted garden spot. And the devil knows that."

What an incredible visual this is! It is easy to find fault and think the grass might be greener somewhere else from time to time. However, this is a message directly from Satan himself. Don't entertain it! Instead, let us be grateful and seek the good in our spouse. I am reminded of a quote from our dear prophet, Russell M. Nelson from a conference talk a few years back, he stated, "My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives." When we focus on the marriage covenant and remaining on the covenant path and its great importance in Heavenly Father's plan, we will find joy in loving, serving, strengthening and being a faithful spouse no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in.

                                                                               References

Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage : Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships. Cedar Hills, UT : JoymapPub., c2009.

Six Magic Hours

It has been enlightening to read, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” by John M. Gottman. He shares wonderful insight and powerful knowledge. This week, as I finished the book, I was impressed with the section called, “Afterword: What Now? In this section, he addressed how learning and living the seven principles can really change the marriage relationship. After following up with couples that attended Dr. Gottman’s workshops they found that those couples whose marriages were successful had a common thread. These couples were devoting time each day/week to activities that would draw them closer as a couple and strengthen the bonds of their marriage. Dr. Gottman refers to this as the “Magic Six Hours.”

This includes:

Partings- making sure before we part for the day we are aware of a least one thing on our spouses' schedule. (Being in touch and connected with each other's activities.)   

Reunions-A kiss and a hug that lasts at least six seconds. (I know when my husband comes straight to me for a kiss when he walks in the door, it makes me feel that I am important to him.)

Admiration and Appreciation-Finding a way to communicate gratitude and affection every day toward your spouse. (Appreciating the things our spouse does well instead of dwelling on the little things that annoy us will help us develop more charity in our marriage.)

Affection-Show physical affection towards each other and always embrace before going to sleep. (Affection is a vital key to marriage. Even just holding hands brings a special connection.)

Weekly Date-Relaxing, romantic way to stay connected. (Never stop dating your spouse!)

State of the Union Meeting-Spend an hour once a week to talk about your relationship. Take time to reflect on what is going well, what you can improve on, express gratitude for each other, etc.(This is something I want to implement. It also helps to strengthen our love maps.)

I really appreciated these suggestions. I can see the benefit they could be to improving a marriage. I also want to print and hang this quote from Dr. Gottman on my bathroom mirror to help alleviate the guilt I feel when I don’t make it to the gym.:)

“Remember, working briefly on your marriage every day will do more for your health and longevity than working out at a health club.”

                                                                                  References:

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work : A Practical Guide From the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert (Vol. [Second edition]). New York: Harmony.

Affection Between Mother and Father Has Powerful Positive Impact on Children

This morning I was on the treadmill at the gym when the TV screen caught my attention. A  young mother, father, and baby around 9 months old were engaged in a sweet experiment. The mother was holding the baby and dad leaned in to kiss the baby gently on the cheek. Little emotion from the baby was evident from the kiss from her dad however, when dad leaned instead to kiss the mother, the baby just lit up with smiles and clapped her tiny hands. This experiment showed the impact that a mother and fathers love for each other has on their child.

Sometimes those little expressions of affection we sometimes take for granted are huge in the eyes of our children and families. It brings kids a sense of well-being as well as a sense of security and belonging when they observe small acts of kindness and affection between their parents. H. Wallace Goddard, in his book, "Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage," talks about appreciating the "every day" in marriage.  He says, "Those who consecrate themselves to their marriage by bringing their whole souls as an offering to the everyday events of a relationship are building a storehouse of sweet memories. They are building an eternal relationship one brick at a time." (Goddard, 2009, p. 109).

On the contrary, Lynn G. Robbins warns against being vulnerable to Satan's primary target, the family. Satan is waging war on these vital and precious relationships. In Robbin's address, "Agency and Anger," he shares an interesting analogy about stirring up anger. He says, "He(Satan) damages and often destroys families within the walls of their own homes. His strategy is to stir up anger between family members. Satan is the "father of contention and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another"(3Nephi 11:29). The verb stir sounds like a recipe for disaster. Put tempers on medium heat, stir in a few choice words, and bring to a boil; continue stirring until thick; cool off; let feelings chill for several days; serve cold; lots of leftovers."

We must be careful to cherish these relationships and work hard at cultivating them. In Col. 3:19, 21, it states. "Husbands love your wives, and be not bitter against them," and "fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." As we follow this counsel and also turn to the Lord for guidance we can win the battle against Satan. We can have relationships that are perpetuated beyond the grave that will be full of happiness and joy.  

References:

Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage : powerful principles with eternal results. Cedar Hills, UT : JoymapPub., c2009.

Pride Is An Enemy To Marriage

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, we are all aware that the natural man is an enemy to God. Along these same lines, pride is an enemy to marriage. It drives couples away from rather than turning toward one another in love and unity. In his monumental address, "Beware of Pride," Ezra Taft Benson stated, "Unity is impossible for a proud people, and unless we are one, we are not the Lord's." If we are not careful, we will find ourselves guilty of pointing out the faults in our spouse instead of working on our own imperfections.

In the book, "Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage," H. Wallace Goddard shares an example of a newly married woman who learned that an exercise to strengthen marriage was to share regularly the things that they found annoying with each other. So, she sat down with her husband and volunteered to go first. She proceeded to tell him how much she disliked the way he ate a grapefruit because he ate it like you would an orange, by peeling it first. She just couldn't understand how she could be expected to live with someone who ate a grapefruit like this. It was then his turn to share his displeasure of her. He hesitated and then sweetly told his companion that quite frankly he couldn't think of anything at all that he didn't like about her. She was shocked and felt terrible for her unkind words and how frivolous this was.

The opposite of pride is humility. When we are humble, we are teachable. When we are teachable, we are willing to work toward making our marriage a celestial one. Putting our spouse's needs and interests before our own and turning toward each other will help us stay on the right path of strengthening our marriage.  We will learn to overlook the unimportant things that bother us and instead focus on the ways we are blessed to be eternal companions.

References:

Benson, E. T. (1989, April 1). Beware of Pride. Retrieved from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng

Goddard, W. L. (2009). Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing. doi:ISBN: 9781441486547